I felt this verse could fit any situation where there is some tension and strife, but I was particularly inspired by the book I’m reading. A teen student goes missing from her art school in another country. A week has passed with no news of her. Her parents arrive, hoping, fearing, to wait it out.
All you have to do is hit the box that says “Home” in the top left and you’ll see all my latest posts, but here’s the specific link for the second version of “News”, which I titled “Call Home.” https://treetophaiku.wordpress.com/2017/02/12/call-home/
This one is better, the diction and the mystery of it is awesome. It grabs the throat. The other is more open and obvious, if it where a monster it wouldn’t be a monster in the dark, and we all know monsters in the dark are scareir
After I’d posted the second version I read it over again and it sounded like a saying, something sympathetic you might repeat to a worried parent, whereas this version sounds more like true haiku, where you must imagine so much. Yet the other is liked more — as you say, more open and obvious.
How haunting. What’s the context?
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I felt this verse could fit any situation where there is some tension and strife, but I was particularly inspired by the book I’m reading. A teen student goes missing from her art school in another country. A week has passed with no news of her. Her parents arrive, hoping, fearing, to wait it out.
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Wow. You took that feeling of waiting anxiously and concentrated it into one unavoidable feeling.
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Thanks. It’s a lot to capture it in a few syllables! I hope you read the next post and tell me if it’s better, worse, or just different.
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I can’t find the one after this. Can you send me a link? I’m really keen.
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All you have to do is hit the box that says “Home” in the top left and you’ll see all my latest posts, but here’s the specific link for the second version of “News”, which I titled “Call Home.” https://treetophaiku.wordpress.com/2017/02/12/call-home/
LikeLike
This one is better, the diction and the mystery of it is awesome. It grabs the throat. The other is more open and obvious, if it where a monster it wouldn’t be a monster in the dark, and we all know monsters in the dark are scareir
LikeLike
After I’d posted the second version I read it over again and it sounded like a saying, something sympathetic you might repeat to a worried parent, whereas this version sounds more like true haiku, where you must imagine so much. Yet the other is liked more — as you say, more open and obvious.
LikeLike