Just one man’s opinion but since you asked. The word “producing” seems so “industrial”
How about:
cherry tree miracle
blossoms spring out with another
crop of poems
I would drop “in spring” as unnecessary since that’s when blossoms would be expected. Also, I worked in “spring” obliquely in L2. Other changes just seemed better to my ears! *g*
Hope you liked the bicycle senryu I wrote for you! *hehehehe*
*chuckle* Very nicely done. Love the way you spring the “punch line” at the very end where it has….errr….well — punch!
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Thank you. Should I rather drop the “and” and say “producing”?
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Just one man’s opinion but since you asked. The word “producing” seems so “industrial”
How about:
cherry tree miracle
blossoms spring out with another
crop of poems
I would drop “in spring” as unnecessary since that’s when blossoms would be expected. Also, I worked in “spring” obliquely in L2. Other changes just seemed better to my ears! *g*
Hope you liked the bicycle senryu I wrote for you! *hehehehe*
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Good ideas, thanks. Yes, I did like that one. Ha ha. I’ve replied with a very intense one.:)
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