5 thoughts on “Icicle Tears

  1. I like this one VERY much! But. It demonstrates the wisdom, long practiced in haiku, of building the verse around only ONE season. Two or more snap the focus of the haiku back and forth, yanking at the reader’s attention from one ring of the “circus” to another.

    And none of us is innocent! If I were, I would never have written this comment. Enough said. Perhaps something like this? Many other possibilities exist.

    sleet and snow —
    icicles shed
    silent tears

    Of course, the 5-7-5 goes away, but that may be a good thing. The unnecessary word “winter” also goes away, sleet and snow establishing the season adequately.

    Ron

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    • Thanks for your critique. Right now we feel “snapped back and forth” between seasons but I wouldn’t have to do it in my verse.
      Your last sentence is true, too: one wouldn’t need the repetition. Will have to think about this.
      I’ll have more food for thought shortly when the dark clouds I see in the SW roll over us. (You folks didn’t happen to lose some dark clouds, did you?) 🙂

      Like

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